At about 5 weeks of age, that definitely changed. She suddenly "woke up" and my usual routine of feed, play for 30 mins, then sleep for three hours went out the window. She started wriggling about, and arching her back, turning into an ironing board. She started complaining a lot when I wrapped her up for a sleep. She would scream her little heart out, and on a few occasions I cried my heart out too.
Its awful holding a screaming baby trying your hardest to calm them down and nothing seems to work. I would swing between feeling really devastated that she was so upset and nothing would calm her, to wanting to throw her out the window... not that I ever would!
I started to notice that she got really upset as soon as I started wrapping her up. I was using the standard swaddling technique that is often recommended. As soon as a laid her down to wrap her up, it would begin, the screaming and ugly crying. Ugly crying is ugly even in a pretty baby.
I began to think that she didn't want to be wrapped. I would try and put her to sleep unwrapped, but she would just wave her arms about and get more and more upset, worse that when being wrapped. So I went back to wrapping her, and I cradling in her in such a way as if I was setting her up for a breastfeed.
This seemed to work, for a little while, but then she cottoned on that the dummy wasn't a proper nipple. She demanded the nipple, and eventually I gave it to her and off she went to sleep. Hooray! I pulled her off the boob and popped her into her bassinet, 10 minutes later, she was wide awake. A new pattern of catnapping was emerging. 30 minutes of soothing for 10 minutes of sleep.
I would look at other people's sleepy, placid babies, especially in my mothers group and think what on earth is wrong with my baby! For instance, one time one of the mums put her bub on her playmat and went to the toilet, by the time she came back the baby had fallen asleep, right in front of my eyes. I was flabbergasted! (By the way, I adore my group and how well we all get on.)
By about 11 weeks old I started to give up and on one particular day I remember she went from about 1pm until 7pm bedtime without a proper nap, just because she was fighting it so much and I wouldn't let her sleep on the boob.
I talked to my local Child Health Nurse, who advised that she needed to be sleeping a lot more than she was for proper brain development.
I panicked and trawled the internet for solutions, but all I could find was that you should continue to wrap your baby and that catnapping was a common experience. I started to think I need to go to Ngala or some sort of baby bootcamp. I even contemplated using a popular but controversial sleeping routine. But it just didn't seem to meld, and she was such a good sleeper at night, which is what most sleep programs aim to improve.
In the end I came across two books called Parenting By Heart and Sleeping Like A Baby, both by Pinky McKay. I read them both within about three days and from then on things just got better and better. Why hadn't I heard of her before? Why isn't this compulsory reading for pregnant ladies and new mums?!
Pinky McKay's whole philosophy is around caring for your baby with love, from the heart, tenderly, gently. Importantly, she reminds us that baby is not an inconvenience. I found it odd but by reading these two books I finally felt like I had permission to do what I had always felt bad about doing, namely bringing Charlie Bear in the bed with me or holding her for as long as necessary if she fell asleep on the boob. It was so empowering, making a conscious decision that I would happily do these things if it made it easier on her and therefore easier on me.
I now enjoy the cuddle time I get to have with her if she falls asleep on the boob, and spend as much time as is necessary to help her go to sleep in her bassinet during the day. Usually the routine involves book, wrap, dummy, Tomy night star, cuddle/rocking, put down, rub her face with her Flatout bear, pat/shush, creep out, within a time limit. If she is still wide awake after 10 minutes is up (when the Tomy star turns off) I get her up and try again later. If its all too hard and I'm exhausted, we jump in the bed and she might surprise me with a two hour sleep, which is heaven compared to the usual 40 minute sleep cycle.
What else did I learn from my wakeful baby?
I learnt that her red flag tired sign was arching her back and getting very stiff and rigid.
I learnt that my baby definitely needed (and still needs) to be wrapped up to sleep. Actually, she needs to be wrapped twice, in really large wraps, not those crappy 70x70cm ones from Kmart. I wrap her in a 110cmx110cm thin cotton muslin first, and then follow up with a 120x120cm double sided cotton wrap. Love to dream swaddles are no good because she just pushes her dummy out of her mouth and then cries. Same with sleeping bags. I'm sure this will change and eventually she will sleep with her arms out and without a dummy, all in good time.
I learnt that it doesn't help to compare what your baby does to other babies, because they are all unique and they are their own person.
I learnt that my baby in particular needs help to fall asleep for daytime naps, a lot of help. And the only person that can help her is me. (And hubby on weekends.)
I learnt that it is more important that she has a sleep than for me to check Facebook or get the house in some sort of order.
I learnt that this is my job now, caring for her, loving her.
You can buy large (100cmx100cm+) swaddles from:
Aden and Anais
Target
Bluebird and Honey
Bubba Blue
Pinky McKay's books are available from the iTunes store.
