My baby had a difficult birth requiring vacuum extraction so she had a bit of a squished head. I believe this lead to her being a slightly jaundiced, which makes newborn babies very sleepy. To flush out the jaundice they have to be woken to be fed every three hours, otherwise the condition can worsen leading to other complications. In hospital I coped with this with lots of support from the midwives, but once we came home I found this extremely stressful.
My baby was not a good feeder, as she had very poor attachment at the breast. A tongue-tie was corrected surgically while we were still in hospital, so I was sent home in the belief that the surgical correction would magically alleviate the problems I was having with feeds. It didn't.
During the first night after we came home from hospital I got more and more anxious about waking my baby for feeds. Firstly, I was finding it very difficult to adjusting to having a newborn baby to look after when there are no midwives or nurses on hand at the push of a button. Secondly, I was not getting much sleep at night as we had her in our bedroom with us in a bassinet (as is advised by SIDS and Kids). She was not a quiet sleeper, and made lots and lots of snorting and snuffling noises that seemed to scrape on my already strung out nerves.
Thirdly, and most importantly, the time and effort that it was taking to feed my baby was physically and emotionally painful and exhausting. She could not attach properly and was 'nipple-feeding' which was really painful, and three hourly feeds doesn't mean three hours between feeds, it means three hours from the beginning of the last feed. So, if you start a feed at 12am you need to start the next one at 3am. Experts will tell you a breastfeed should take 20 minutes on each side. It was taking me and hour and a half to feed my baby, as she was so sleepy she would feed sporadically before falling asleep. I would have to tickle her feet, pat her on the back, tickle under the chin, sponge her head with a wet flannel and so on, to wake her up and keep feeding.
All this meant I was getting no sleep - it was a constant cycle of hour and a half feeds then an hour and half of lying awake listening to her snuffling and snorting, getting more and more anxious about the next feed and how painful it would be.
The child health nurses that visited us at home in the first days at home didn't help in trying to get my baby to attach properly or referring me to a lactation consultant, but instead suggested expressing milk and bottle feeding, or giving her baby formula. I didn't feel very comfortable giving her formula as I had made the decision very early on in my pregnancy to exclusively breastfeed for as long as possible. They discharged me after two visits with the advice to go to the hospital if I ever felt overwhelmed.
On the second day at home my anxiety was sky-high, so much so I was shaking and trying to swallow down my panic. It wasn't rational at all, what is so hard about waking a baby to feed her? But feeding was getting harder and harder. My nipples were getting more and more sore - red, cracked and bleeding even with regular application of nipple balm. I was dreading feeding my baby, and not enjoying her at all. I was really starting to get to the point of wanting to give her back - but to whom!?
By the second evening at home, I called it. We went to a GP clinic who immediately referred me to the Emergency Department at Joondalup Health Campus. I asked if I could use some hospital equipment to express milk so I could feed my baby while we were waiting. This is probably the best thing I could have done because it meant a nurse had to come in and show me how to use it. Her name was Lily and she ended up being the person who turned things around for me.
She came in smelling to high heaven of cigarette smoke, obviously just off from smoke-o. It always surprises me when health professionals smoke - but then again, I don't exercise nearly as much as I should do, everyone has a vice. Blonde and probably pushing 60, she was motherly and kind but also very matter of fact, down to earth and had a practical perspective, which most other health professionals I had dealt with to this point had definitely lacked.
Her advice was to scrap the regimented feeding schedule and forget watching the clock. Finish the feed, settle her back to sleep, get yourself a cup of tea and relax, then check what the time is. Don't worry about starting the next feed at three hours on the dot, but don't go longer than five hours. She also said not to feel guilty about giving her formula if that was the only way to get her to feed. Her son had formula and he turned out ok. I asked if she was a midwife or lactation consultant - she said no, but she was a Mum. I went home much calmer and the rising panic subsided.
When my baby was 10 days old we took her to have her newborn photography session at Kristy Mannix Photography. She was so good, she stayed asleep pretty much the whole time and only wet herself once. After the session was over we were chatting with the photographer Kristy and her assistant Carly about how things were going. When I explained about the problems I was having with feeds, one of the girls (I can't remember who now!) said that her friend had a similar experience with her baby and had invested in some nipple shields and they had really helped. Nipple shields, I asked, what is a nipple shield?
Nipple shields are amazing. They are soft silicone teats that go over your nipples, with a wide flange that goes over the areola. Wow! I had never heard of those before! We immediately drove to the chemist and bought a set, sterilised them and used them at the next feed. It was instant relief and my baby had the best feed in ages. She was still sleepy and taking a long time with feeds, but now she was breastfeeding and not nipple-feeding! Things were looking up.
That weekend we went to a family lunch. I was still stressed out as although the nipple shields were helping my baby feed more efficiently, I had a blocked duct that was quite painful and uncomfortable. Family members that asked how things were going got probably more information than they intended, but it had an amazing effect.
Suddenly, all the mums, cousins and aunties were telling me their breastfeeding woes with their own children. How they had used nipple shields for 9 months. How they had stroke the baby with a wet flannel to keep them awake during feeds. How they had flat and inverted nipples. How the baby had a tongue-tie (my husband). How they had to feed the baby formula (also my husband, and he turned out ok!). I was floored. How come no-one ever said anything about how hard breastfeeding is?! Then it hit me - unless it is currently happening to you or has happened to you, how on earth can you ever describe the pain and emotional anguish that goes with breastfeeding difficulties, especially when you are determined to exclusively breastfeed.
This is just one example of the most valuable lessons I have learned over and over again in my (so far short) journey as a mother. On one hand, Health Professionals will tell you what a baby "should" do as defined by the textbooks, and give you standardised advice according to their health care policies. I have found that a lot of information (in baby care books, and on websites) talk about how nipple shields can reduce your supply - this never happened to me. On the other hand, Real Mums will tell you what babies actually do and also provide helpful, useful and practical advice. I have since had several conversations with Real Mums who freely admitted that using a nipple shield was the only way they could feed their baby.
The problem is that sifting through all the conflicting information and finding what works for you. This is extremely difficult when you are sleep deprived and so deeply concerned about your little one - so when you do find something that works, go with it!
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